Day 12

Baby still grumpy but God i making changes I and see them...

Day 11...

Today is not going well so far, late night grumpy baby, missed church...but I am not going to let that get me down because the Lord is always in my heart!

Day 10...

 It wasn't bad because I don't remember it...

Day 9...Pretty ok...

I had a pretty ok day yesterday (this is written the day after man I need to do better). I actually spend some time with my hubby and didn't want him to get the heck away. It felt good. Well I will continue to pray over family, myself and my marriage.

Day 8...

Ugh is all I have to say!

Day 7...

Wow it has already been a week and I am pretty proud of myself. I have made some major changes and I think they were for the best. I am feeling pretty good today. Thank you Lord!

Day 6....I seem to always be a day behind.

Yesterday was met with mixed emotions, my hubby gave me a compliment, something I haven't heard come out of his mouth in a very long time. I don't know how to feel about that. I know I am continuing to pray that the Lord give me Peace but this patience thing is hard to ask for. When I tend to ask for it crazy stuff tends to happen to me. I am beginning to have an inner peace that I am not easily bothered by things. Its crazy because with some of the things that I have been through I shouldn't be peaceful at all. I am so glad that I am feeling some kind of Hope because I didn't even have that 5 days ago.

Day 5...This is only the 5th day...

It feels like an eternity! I went to church today and I feel alot better about my situation. I am so ready to give all of this over to the Lord but it is sooo hard to let go. That would mean to me that I would need to give up the perceived control that I have. Ohhh I had someone hug me today and I melted, it felt soo good to be held, especially by this person and I have decided that I need to try and avoid it. When someone holds you and they have genuine concern you really latch on to it, so I need to not put my focus on that and ask the Lord specifically to give me that feeling again with my husband. But the real question is do I really want it for me or do I want it for my daughter. I pray that I get the answers really soon.

Day 4...I Really SUCK at this!

I don't only mean the task at hand but also at this blogging thing. It doesn't help that my daughter has broken my s,w, and right hand shift keys and they work when they want, but the dedication to do this everyday is definitely lost on me. Also do you realize how many times you actually use the s,w, and right shift keys? I had an ok day Saturday, I went to put flowers on my boys graves and spent time with a friend. The whole day it was very hard for me to stay positive about my marriage. I really need to work on staying positive and speaking life into the marriage, but it is definitely hard when your family is constantly telling you that your husband is sorry and not work the space he takes up. I will definitely agree he is not perfect by any means but dang I do not have an impartial party to speak to. SMH

Day 3...Terrible

I have been told that when things start to get harder you are living your live correctly, I think this is a lie. I went against everything I said I would do today when I opened my mouth to my husband and I am feeling even more like just packing up and moving on my way. It is so hard to be nice to someone when they really don't deserve it. But I guess I really don't deserve it as a Christian because I was born into sin and Jesus died for my sins. I really am not liking this walk but I will try to recompose myself and continue to ask the Lord to order my steps and keep my mouth shut.

Day 2...A day late...

Ugh I already have fallen off of what I am supposed to do...Yesterday was kinda busy and I can't even remember what happened so hopefully I can recover tomorrow.

Day 1...The Beginning!

I have been going through a lot these past couple of months and it has just gotten harder and harder as the time has gone by.  I am trying to work myself back to my relationship with God and maybe, just maybe this will help my relationship with my husband. I have been having such a disconnect lately and I am ready to reconnect with many aspects of my life, so I am going to do what God and my Pastor suggests and work on my relationship for 60 whole days, focused on God. I have had problems with trust for a long time in my life and I am ready to deal with this. All of the pain that I have been through and my mistrust of God and my husband.


Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

I will not lean unto my own understanding (this is gonna be tough because I am a control freak) and continue to acknowledge Him so He will direct my path. Please pray for me because this is definitely going to be hard!